My 15 year Miracle!

We were in town after the coast and then Bruno Mars the night before. I had seen this amazing bedspread in an Instagram pic and the awesome lady told me she bought it at Ikea. My husband did not want to go, but thankfully was a good sport. We ate lunch and were taking our time. I did "check in" from my phone, only the second time I'd ever done that. The first being at the concert the night before. We were about to round the corner to head to the exit and were stopped to pick out a tiny vase for the lucky bamboo Khi convinced me to buy him. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her mom (didn't click) then her dad (started to click) then her twin sisters that are 6 and it totally clicked! I whipped around to take a look and saw them all stopped at the next display checking something out. As I looked past them I spotted Kaitlin high-tailing it away from all of us with a cart. No joke...dead run. Lol. I ran back to Robert with my stomach in my throat, heart about to burst from my chest and was desperately trying to relay to him that I had seen Kaitlin and SHE. WAS. HERE!!! Holy crap! What do I do, what do I do? I asked. Then I added that she was running away and I didn't want to freak her out more. He asked if I was sure and I replied yes, but peeked back around the corner. Yep...there she was turned and looking right at me....and fleeing again! Girl can run! She doesn't get that from me! ;)  I turned back to Rob and said that I was sure, again asking what to do. He said to just be cool and act normal, put his arm around me and we started walking. Her family was still in the same spot, she was long gone, and I was like we are all here. They are RIGHT. THERE. No way I'm not saying hello. This is no coincidence.

I headed towards her family. Her dad noticed me first and got a huge smile and started walking over. We met half way and hugged. Then I hugged her mom and said hi to her girls. I had introduced my family to them and was just officially being introduced to their twins when Kaitlin walked up and stood next to me with a confident "hello!" And that smile. Sigh. Her dad instantly asked us to get together for a photo, which we happily did. As her mom was explaining to her sisters that I was Kaitlin's birthmom and reminding them how they'd discussed how they came out of her belly, but Kaitlin came out of some one else's and this is her! Meanwhile I was telling my 5 year: "remember how we pray for Kaitlin every night? Well this is Kaitlin!" She then insisted on having her picture taken with her as well. Then Kaitlin's dad looked over at our 2.5 year old in the shopping cart and longingly said "oh, I just want to pick her up and hold her. It's like my baby girl is back again." It was the sweetest. So we then took an picture of "the twins" Kaitlin and Ave...just 13 years apart, but who's counting?

We stood there for awhile talking and a few faves were her dad saying that we were having a family reunion in Ikea, that the birth-father was going to be hanging out in PDX Ikea now, and that we should definitely plan a meeting next time! We all chatted some more and then her dad said that they were going to go and get some frozen yogurt. I started to say goodbye, and he was like "um, you could come with us!" So, we all went to pay and Mekhi (my 11 year old son) was over at the register with them. He then came running back over to us and was like "mom! that lucky bamboo really was lucky and it worked fast!!" Lol. So awesome. I know officially love lucky bamboo as well. We all go some yogurt and sat in the little Ikea courtyard area talking for at least another hour. It was amazing, fun, surreal, totally normal, awesome!!! I loved how Kaitlin and Mekhi were cracking each other up. Seriously. Warmed my heart. At one point Kaitlin and I both stopped and just stared into each other's eyes. I finally kind of laughed and said "I can't believe I'm sitting here looking at you!!" It was truly one of the very best days of my life. We got more big hugs and even mentioned maybe doing a camping trip together. I die! It all the sudden dawned on me on the way to our van that one of the first things her dad said was that he saw we went to the concert the night before (my first check-in), and that he may have totally orchestrated this whole thing. Even so, it's a huge store and the timing was just right. I love him even more if he/they did though. I think it would have been way to crazy for me and too hard for Kaitlin if we had known it was coming!!! It took about 20 minutes driving towards home for me to lose it and start crying as I said a prayer of thanks. I think I was in shock. I look back and hope I didn't sound like a bumbling fool the whole time, but it was so crazy!!! God loves me. It was a total miracle. <3 p="">

FSA Fireside

I'm on the board for our new local FSA (Families Supporting Adoption) board and we put on a Fireside for our area during November, which is Adoption Month!

We were nervous as it was a totally new experience for us, but if I may say so myself, it went amazingly well! We were worried we might not even have 30 people show up and we ended up with  a few hundred. It was so cool!! The speakers were just divine, seriously...so good. Looking forward to doing more things like this. Yay for Adoption!! :)

FSA Adoption Fireside!!!

Please join us &...

PLEASE spread the word!

12...?!?

My... wonderful girl I'm forever connected to but don't know, my daughter (?), my birthdaughter, my Kaitlin. Today she turned 12. How time flies. This year I'm grateful to know more about her than I did before. I'm grateful that her parents are cool, and communicate with me via facebook! I've learned that she loves reading, art, and smell good lotions n such. JUST LIKE ME! It's impossible not to seek out those little connections. It's a strange concept really, the whole adoption dynamic. I love her. I think of her and include her in my prayers daily. Yet, I don't know her. She's just "out there." It's nice knowing where out there is. It's hard not knowing what her voice sounds like. It's strange to feel that she is definitley her mother and father's daughter, yet she is still mine. She is beautiful. She is healthy. She is loved. She is safe. She is where she is meant to be. I'm grateful for that. She has parents that love her and are teaching her what she needs to know. I hope that one day she will want to know what my voice sounds like too. For now, I'm content to know that she is doing so well. I'm excited for her to start her years as a Young Woman in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints!! Woohoo. I'd love to show a picture of her, but I don't feel that's in my right. So you'll just have to picture a beautiful tan 12yo me. LOL, j/k. For real though, she's super cute and you can't take that to the bank.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAITLIN!!!

WE LOVE YOU!  

xoxo

Holy MELTDOWN Batman!

You've just got to love music. So I'm still planning on doing some posts related to adoption and such so I don't mean to get ahead of myself, but... I was tweaking the music on my little blog Ipod earlier. And? So, I'm thinking what songs do I love and want to add today? I think, you know it is strange to mix pop, church, etc.. all together but that's what I really like and those are all components of my life. Then I think, hmmm, I want to start blogging some about adoption (so random if you don't know me, sorry...it will come)...I think some more...I'll search for From God's Arms to My Arms to Yours. I do search for it, find it, and listen to it. Well...if you have no idea what I'm talking about I linked the song title to YouTube so you can check it out, if you are already familiar you know what's coming. I got about 10 seconds into the song and was crying like it was 1998. My heart seriously felt like it was contracted down to the size of one of the craisins Tayvin's most likely hidden deep down in my couch. OUCH! Man! Ya think you're "over" something. I don't think I've listened to that for a good decade and now I remember why.

For now I will say that "K" I LOVE you more than I can possibly contain within this earthly body, I wish you were mine, I wish you were here, but I know I made the right choice regardless of how much it hurts.

Music is so powerful and once again I'm reminded why "we" are counseled to listen wisely. I've seen it work for good and evil...thank goodness for this song and this one...they are regenerating my heart as I type. Just makes me happy. Listen to Israel's voice...if that's not a gift from God I don't know what is.

All the water in the world

no matter how it tried

could ever sink the smallest ship

until it got inside.

And all the music of the world

and every kind of sin

can ever sink the human soul

unless we let it in.

~Anonymous

(IE: stuck with me back in high school days, and couldn't find author online)

Birthmother Retreat

So. Why might I attend a birthmother retreat you might ask? That would be because I am a birthmother. And a proud one at that! I did really struggle with the decision to go, as far as leaving my great hubby and kids for a few day and worrying about not knowing anyone, etc. In the end I obviously decided to go and it was really great! There is a natural bonding (tragedy bonding though it may be) that occurs with others who have walked the same path and it was really an experience for me. I am completely good with my choice to place my beautiful and much loved and very much wanted babygirl, even though I sometimes wish it hadn't been the right choice. But I'll maybe do a blog just on that experience one of the days. There were a few things that really made the weekend for me. Number one was getting to spend time with one of my favorite people Tawnia! She is the counselor that helped me through my placement way back when and I adore her, heart her, all that good stuff. I don't see her, hardly ever really, so it was amazign to get to fly to Seattle and be picked up by the one and only Tawnia! We went nuts talking about energy work and she even did some for me which was totally cool! Anyways, I digress. The weekend was full of fun, food, and great introspective type psych activites that we all seemed to crave more of. Like seriously...pass me a personality quiz and I'm in heaven. The other thing is it was actually cool to take some time and really focus in and devote it to my choice, my story, my baby. It is something that is always there in the background of my mind, and she is someone I pray for daily, but I haven't been in touch with the whole experience in that way for years, so it was cool. It is a big part of me and definitely helped in shaping me into who I am today. Enough said, here are a few pics to commemorate. I loaded mine and realized that I spent more time on everything else besides taking pics, so I've shamelessly stolen most of these from a very cool and talented Janessa (Thanks!!).

Tacoma Narrows Bridge

Seriously? I was fully clothed as were a few others. If you know me at all, you know I couldn't stand a nice warm day and THAT water, so clothes or not... I had to jump in! It felt SO Dang GOOD! :)

(I think someone has a pic of me in the water, if I find it I'll do an edit and add me in.)

Told you she was cool!

Thanks for everything ladies, and I hope to see you again next year!

Love Affair w/ Pooh.

TayTay was loving her some Pooh.

It's actually an extra special Pooh bear because he's the one I brought home with me from the hospital almost 12 years ago after placing my first daughter for adoption. Those were some seriously, can't explain how heart-wrenching nights that followed and Pooh was in my arms. It is pretty amazing at times that 12 years later I've been blessed with a daughter of my own that can be having a love affair with Pooh in my front room. God is good.