2011: Evolve!

Happy New Year!

I have actually been thinking a lot since my birthday back in November about this new year and what I'd like to accomplish in it. I turned 35 and I feel older. Not so much in a bad way. Kind of in a great way actually. I won't lie, I do feel older in a kind of "I'm really out of shape and my knees hurt and I'm tired" way. That I hope to get my head around dealing with. It really can't be my main focus right now though, my minds just not there yet. I am hoping that it {it being a bit more healthy physically} will at least be a happy consequence of where my mind IS. So where is my mind? So glad you asked! 

35. 35 is a nice round, solid number to me. For some reason, this year turning 35 felt like getting a brand new shirt. It feels like that shirt you've been waiting for, where you slide it on and you can tell before it settles onto your body that it is so perfectly soft and cozy comfy. You know the one? I feel like standing up a bit taller. I feel like...dare I say it? An adult. A real-life bona fide grown-up! Yikes!! I know. ;) I really do feel like a kid most of the time. I experience those weird moments in the midst of a family activity or vacation of "whoa, I'm the PARENT, and we are so in the middle of creating our kids childhood memories here." Is that strange? Only now with 35 settling so comfy around me, I feel less like a kid and more like a grown-up in a really great way. It's more a sense of being in charge, accountable, responsible. I so love that I'm embracing these words that made me run for my "cave" in the past.

It's TIME.

I don't expect to become perfect this year, or ever really. But I expect to change, progress, and grow. I really expect to become more ME. I am totally fine with overshooting my mark here and there and messing up. BUT it will be different this year, because I'm not going to beat myself up about it.

This is the year I will learn to love myself.

source 

I have really treated myself poorly up til now. I am constantly being a serious mean girl in my head and it's time for that mean girl to kick rocks! From now on...that's just NOT how I roll. This change may not be visible on the outside come next year although it'd be real nice if it was. I really hope that others can feel the change even if they can't pinpoint it. Especially those closest to me as they used to get the brunt of the mean girl runoff. I hope that in learning to really love myself, to see myself more as my Heavenly Father sees me I'll be more chill, loving, kind, open. I've been circling in this vicious cycle and I see now how everything is part of it...my relationships, my weight, my sleep habits, etc. All whirling around in there, constant motion in a way too sedentary life. But {here's the change in action people!!}I'm not going to get overwhelmed at this point and shoot myself down by realizing that those are a lot of things and a lot of change and a lot of work. Because I'm not lying to myself anymore and I'm NOT listening to Satan either! {see me stick out tongue} I don't have to be perfect. Ha! Check me out. I don't have to change it all. I don't have to do anything actually. But I am going to CHOOSE to do a bit better than I have in the past. That's it. Just a bit. And if I do more than a bit, well GO ME. Some days I'm going to just suck it all up...like screw it up. And I'll give myself a hug, apologize if need be and MOVE ON. Yes!

So there you have it. The plan? The movement! I'm so looking forward to an amazing year and to a even more amazing me!

P.S.

I will also be conquering the world of digital scrapbooking.

Getting my house organized.

And lots of other good stuff. ;)