Journey to My Inner Garden of Eden.

3-8-2014 My notebook:
I am a healer & I will first heal ME.
I can, will, & deserve all good things. I accept abundance!
I CAN lose weight.
I can be big & powerful at ANY physical size.
I don't have to be big to be seen/heard & no matter how big I get it can NEVER be as big as my power IS.

The start of my journey to a healthy self:

I had been reading the book Falling to Heaven by James L. Ferrell and was having some great AHA moments. I had that feeling of being on the precipice of learning a new principle. I also had/have attended a few Addiction Recovery Meetings that our church offers, because I figured it was a new angle I hadn't explored in my 10+ years of praying to get healthy. I will say that they are absolutely an amazingly spiritual experience and am so grateful for those who are humble and brave enough to face their struggles and imperfections. I'm pretty sure it's the very rare person who could go to those meetings and not find something to work on!

Next on my journey was a visit with a friend's nephew who did a session of energy work with me. Some things came up in regards to my health, particularly that I had candida. Not awkward for that poor 19 year old young man at all, lol. Anyways, I instantly knew he was right. I'd had a rash on my inner elbows forever and after my miscarriage in November it had spread over my entire torso and up my neck. And it was itching like crazy. Horrible. Anyways, I had called to set up an appointment the day before to check it out, but on my way to his house I totally thought yeast. So weird that he said that out of the blue right? I got home that night and started researching candida and learned that I'd basically overloaded my system with sugar. It'd always been a problem, but an extra big problem since the miscarriage. I was staying up until the morning, not eating all day, and then eating candy and ice cream as well as drinking 44 oz Cokes with lime and coconut sugar added nightly. It was bad. So, I quit soda again that next day and was trying to be a little more aware of my sugar intake.

Shortly after all that, I went to a Relief Society activity celebrating the Relief Society Birthday. The theme was Make a Wish and it was really fun. Basically, everyone wrote down a wish from come clean my bathroom to bring me a surprise. I wished that someone would teach me about clean eating. What it was, how to plan meals, shop, etc.An awesome girl in my ward picked mine (I was hoping she would) and invited me over to chat a few days later. The next day she sent me a message asking if I wanted to do an 8 week challenge with her. Yes! Then a few minutes later she asked if I'd do a 100 day challenge starting tomorrow. Yes!? :)  

 I went to my first Time Out for Women the next week with some awesome friends and my daughter Grace. It was a lot of fun and my first week on the clean eating challenge. It was interesting, but not nearly as hard as I would have thought previously. I really enjoyed a talk by Laurel C. Day. A few things I took note of:
~ Delight in God & in being dedicated to Him and He will put the desires in our hearts to make room for the things He has to give us that are right for our lives. 
~ Let the Holy Ghost show us ourselves as we really are.
~ We need to pray to learn God's truths.
~ Power in CHOICES!! I choose to be __________ TODAY! (healthy, awesome mom, yogi, healer)
~It's Time to Wake Up!!!! See His ways for me. See His truths. Live MY life. CHOOSE!

I had wanted to do the BMS 8 week challenge previously because I knew if I was accountable to a team and would be affecting their points I'd do what needed to be done. I was a little surprised that I've been able to do so well not being on a team. We do have our points for the week posted on our groups fb page though and apparently that's what I needed. I have PERFECT points right now and that's really keeping me going. I fear what I'd let slide if I lost some points. I think everything was laid out line upon line and got me mentally ready to take care of myself. I also started doing yoga again and love it. At home first, then some classes at the gym. I feel like I'm really good at the mental side of it and love how it goes with my whole vision of turning my insides into a Garden of Eden. Did I not mention that? Haha. Gotta have a good visual. I gave up soda last year for 16 months and started working out and didn't lose any weight. I was really frustrated and started drinking it again. This time, I really just wanted to be healthy and treat my body like the temple it is. I wanted to feel better and be around longer! I didn't want weight to be my #1 focus and stop doing something  that was so good for me regardless of how things looked on the outside. Hence, the Garden of Eden vs. gross sludge. 

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I survived a trip to Lake Chelan for a week, dinner out several times, and let me not fail to mention the dreaded PMS. I ate healthy and exercised 6 times a week like a champ. I've definitely noticed that I feel more alert and alive and human! :)  Seriously though, I'd become an expert at ignoring my body completely. I could live with pain and accept my body's limitations as the norm. Before the challenge started I remember being in the car around 7:00 pm and telling Rob that I still felt half asleep and like I never fully wake up. Sludge. Easter weekend was a whole other story, but one I want to remember so I can come back and remind myself. First I threw Rob a Marvel 40th Birthday Surprise Party. My amazing sister-friends all made yummy treats at my request for the dessert table and I had two picked out for my two freebie servings for the week. I hadn't taken them, at least not with something really low in nutrition, since I started the challenge. I was hoping they'd make me sick, but instead they just tasted like heaven and I didn't notice anything physically. The next day was Tayvin's birthday party. I did fine during that, but that night we decided to go out for dinner to celebrate Rob, Tay's and Grace's birthdays. I decided to use one of our three free meals for the challenge and had a burger and fries. No soda though. It was delicious and I felt absolutely disgusting!! My stomach felt heavy and like it had a brick sitting in it. I kept burping and had heart burn. It was so gross. I've been pleasantly full on the challenge, but always still fill nice and light. Ugh. 20-30 minutes of taste good for 24 hours of nasty. Not worth it! Then Easter rolled around. I tried to get minimal candy for the kids and not necessarily stuff I loved. Grandma on the other hand, got some of my very favorites and sent us home with a Costco pack of cookies and extra cupcakes. I had half a Costco carrot cake cupcake for my first treat of the new week. Monday was Tay's actual birthday and she wanted pizza for dinner. Luckily, she was happy to have fruit and whipped cream for dessert. Here's the deal though:

Eating crap awakens and summons the cravin' dragon. Like for reals! I had the harshest craving, unlike any I'd had the entire challenge. So not fun. Trying to put together a whole wheat veggie pizza with the cheesy pizza sitting on the cutting board next to me along with all the Easter/Birthday crap about did me in. I ended up using my second freebie for a small, hollow chocolate bunny the next day. This time I did feel sick. I finished it off even though I realized after that the last half didn't taste nearly as good as the first. Something I plan on paying better attention to. I also felt kind of nauseous after. Not worth it, but so annoying. I realized that even while feeling sick my mind would think about what other sugary crap I could eat. None...not losing my points remember? But, it's so true that the sugar/fat combos of processed foods are so evilly meant to act as a drug. The cravings are almost overwhelming and once you give in and have something they grow exponentially. I plan on having a treat now and again when I'm off challenge, but I'm hoping it won't be often and that the cravings after will lessen. 

I did weigh myself today though and realized I've finally lost some weight! 15-17 pounds!!!! Woo hoo! Some motivation along with feeling better to keep going! I'm also seeing changes already in yoga. I could do a few poses that I couldn't a month ago and can go deeper into others! I love that!! I also love that the whole family is eating healthier. I plan on continuing forever and am excited to be teaching the kids better habits that I hope they'll adopt and not have to struggle as much as I have. Tay is really interested in yoga too and Rob's been going to the classes at the gym with me. Fun! 

So, there you have it. I've got a looooong way to go, but at least I'm on the road and off the couch.