STUCK

I moved a pics folder to the family pics folder!! I'm still working on catching up this darn blog: ie family scrapbook/journal. But I'll take what I can get, I mean there were a load of pics in that folder. As well as the next one and the next one and the ...well, you get the idea.

I've been stuck in the slumps, in a rut, in a big ole crappy non-growing, feel sorry for myself place. Lovely isn't it? Am I the only one? I feel like I'm the only one. BLECH. Honestly, part is due to good old PMS. I didn't used to have moody issues and all that, but I do now. Oh the joy. I'm stuck on a few different issues. Most of them relate back to my weight, which seems to affect everything, especially my energy. And more and more lately I feel akward when I'm around others. I feel totally out of place at church, the mall, running errands. This really blows! I thought I'd moved past this years back, at least to some extent. But here I am once again. I guess it's getting to me not having any friends. Don't get me wrong, there are a ton of fabulous girls around here, especially at church, and they are totally nice and friendly. I just don't fit in with any of them. They all have their friend, friends, group of friends, sisters, etc that they spend whatever free time they have with. Whaa, whaa, whaa. Anyways...

So the weight. The weight, the weight, the weight. Here's where I'm at. I'm at (huge #) Fat Lane. Yep. My main frustration right now is that I'm so STUCK. I KNOW it's not physically healthy to carry so much extra weight. I KNOW I don't look my best. I KNOW it's making me hold back my "real" self. I KNOW that
I'm not the best mom I could be, I want to be. I know I'm achy and have NO energy. I also know that I do feel better when I eat healthy. I KNOW I feel better when I sleep like a normal person. I know I would feel better, have energy, etc., if I'd exercise. So....

WHY THE HECK DON'T I DO ANY OF THOSE THINGS????

I am truly the definition of insanity! Splendid right? Yep. That's it. I'm stuck like Chuck and have no clue how to make myself change, just do it, blah blah blah. So I really, really, REALLY want and need to figure out why I'm trying to die? Trying to be miserable? Trying to punish myself? I DON'T KNOW what it is, but I need to figure it out soon!

Wasn't this just delightful and uplifting? I'm going to go back to posting way too many pics of my cute kids! :)

  I did figure out one thing today after posting this and thinking on it. Part of my problem is that I want to do everything all-out, to the best of my ability, full of passion, get it done and show it off big. When I do really get down and clean something for example, it takes forever and I'm exhausted after because I clean every last little nook n cranny with whatever little tool (usually a toothbrush) necessary... not that you don't all do that, but I can't seem to just do all that. I end up trying to do the organizing and purging, etc. I remember when we were first married Robert was like "I walked in the bathroom and thought it was a different room! No wonder you don't feel like cleaning all the time." Sad but true. Hence my completely dirty house. I realized I do this with all types of things. I'll put off doing some of the steps because I'm looking forward to the final steps. Rob always reminds me about how you eat an elephant, which is one bite at a time. I need to start just taking bites and not worrying quite SO much about the big and final picture.

I still think the same on the whole friend thing. But, I do have to admit that I get stuck in my little rut way too often and don't get myself out there. No one invites me anywhere for the most part (and ladies it really sucks to hear about all the fun girls night's and such when I wasn't invited!), but I don't invite anyone anywhwere either. I put off calling my best friend in Seattle and my cousin in NC too. I really need to quit being so lame!