I believe some introspection is healthy and good. I think I get so caught up in trying to fix myself inside that I'm only focused on what's "wrong" with me and it just spins my head around until I'm spiraling downward. So. I still have things I'd like to work on inside and figure out in my head, BUT, it's high time I put some action behind it and find some balance!! So easily said, then I feel twice as bad when a few weeks have passed and I haven't DONE anything different! I've narrowed down a few things that are holding me back:
1) I have too much crap! Stuff. No wonder I feel so scattered when I feel like every last nook 'n cranny is busting at the seems with junk.
~A place for everything, and everything in it's place.~
(Taking any suggestions to get me started.)
2) I'm unhealthy and overweight and feel like crap! There I said it. Not that it's a mystery, a shock, or a surprise to me or anyone else. But true all the same. I have some serious mental sabotaging going on though when I think seriously about doing something about it, so I feel stuck. If anyone local needs a partner... maybe we can motivate each other. I don't know yet. I just want to publicly acknowledge that it is a problem and it is a problem that is specifically contributing to my current state.
3) I need to get out more, reach out to people more, put more quality time into my scripture reading, etc. Less time on FB and more time moving and playing with the kids. There is so much to do and be done and I'm on this stupid computer!! Ok...focus. I'm going to set some mini-goals that I'm hoping I can stick with and not sabotage. Any encouragement and friendly advice welcome. Thanks!
4) This one is the worst I think. It's also really frustrating because I don't get it. I've actually come so far thruogh different experiences and some counseling over the years, but I think that I still don't LOVE myself unconditionally. Some days I see the good, but at the end of the day I think it's still my core problem. This one also affects all the other ones. It probably contributes to the head games I play with myself as far as the comparing to others at times and feeling like everyone thinks I'm a just a freak and not worth being friends with. Yuck right? The vulnerability is setting in already. I'm posting this though. I'm really accessing the bit of HOPE I have left and hoping that I'm not the only one that ever feels this way. I swear if you get to know me you'll find that I'm not totally negative and lame. I'm in a rut though! I'll get out. I just want to get out and find a different way. Onward and upward right?!?
Problem Habits:
Eating out/fast food
candy
not exercising
Soda!
Not getting regular sleep.
So...
Got an actual physical calendar and hung it up in kitchen!
~Going to mark the days that I don't have soda at all in an attempt to be more conscious.
~The eating out I guess won't be so bad now that we are broke and unemployed. That will hopefully change soon though, so here's what I'm thinking: No fast/food or eating out unless there are 14 (I really want to put 7!) consecutive days marked on the calendar that we did NOT eat out.
~Ok, sleep is hard. I do good for a few weeks then something happens and I get off track. But I am going to be in my bed at midnight even if I think I'm not tired. I will just lay there or read.
Small start, but a start none the less. How sad that it actually seems hard!
Any ideas on rewards? I don't think I'm at the point that feeling better will be enough and obviously rewarding with treats not the best idea. Help me out!
Great post! It was an amazing night. And, I get down on myself way too much. Sometimes introspection turns into nitpicking. In all your efforts to better, remind yourself of things that you are already doing. Things you are good at. I'm a big believer in positive self talk. Mostly because I struggle with negative self talk and I know it can really bring me down. I think you are an incredibly happy, funny, talented, smart person. I would have labeled you as outgoing and full of confidence! So, you had me fooled:) I need to go outside more with Anna. Call me in the early afternoon we can go for a walk!
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel. It's so easy to set all the goals, and I know what I have to do.... It's DOING it that's the problem. :) I've been "trying" to lose weight for a long time, but I just keep gaining. I wish I was local with you so that we could work out together. It would be great for me to have a buddy, too.
ReplyDeleteHey Tami- saw your post on FB and hopped on over to your blog. Cute blog - and your family is beautiful!
ReplyDeleteI think we are all so much more alike than we are different. I have been taking inventory on what to change in my life as of late also. I finally wrote down what my life were to look like if I were completely happy. And just like you, I set goals to get there. I think the most important part is to remember that every effort counts and to ditch the "all or nothing" mentality. I have decided that I will look at my goals daily and try my best. If we miss a day doing those things, to just get back on it the next day because we are human.
You are amazing and beautiful and people love to be around you. I hope the chaos dies down and you are able to feel more at peace - that is what I want in my life too. Keep in touch!
I am sorry you have had a sucky week. The rain on top of that does not help one feel better. I am glad you went to the RS meeting last night. I heard it was great and should have gone myself. Take the baby steps. We cannot expect to change ourselves overnight, but do what you think you can and I'll check up on you in a couple weeks to see your progress. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteThank you sooo much. Time to get out of my head, lol. I would love to go for a walk with any and all of you local girls. I get kinda wierd about calling people for some reason, but I promise to try and push through that and take you up on your offers for a walk! Cathy, I sometimes wonder how many people are "fooling" us. I really saw this firsthand when I went through a very intensive group therapy program years ago. I assumed the really thin girls were one way and most of them assumed I'd be a certain way and in the end we were all wrong! I think when I'm interacting with others I sometimes feel super awkward and out of place, but the real me can often find a way out. It just gets burried under all the negative talk. Time to really get back on that, I've let way too much negative come in. I really hate how easy it is to find "proof" of those negatives once that's how we are thinking. Why can't it be so easy with the positives? I hope it is for most people, I haven't gotten there yet. YET. Thanks for taking the time to read AND comment! I love you all. :)
ReplyDeleteJust take it one day at a time, and if you have a bad day today, there is always tommorow. Its easy to say, but hard to do. I set myself up all the time with big ideas and goals and when things do not go to plan I give up, and thats not good. We really are all much more alike then different. We all have insecurities that hold us back.I have a list myself. We gotta let it go somehow... when you figure out the way to do that let me know. Just know that you are not alone. Heres to a better week next week. Oh and when you kick that pop habit let me know how you did it. Thats a habit I should kick, but its really hard for me to even want to. Bad I know, but the truth.
ReplyDeleteWoohooo! Good for you putting it out there like that! That alone could start you on your path. I think setting small goals is definitely a great way to start, otherwise it's overwhelming. As far as exercising goes, usually the days that I get on the treadmill are the days when I wake up and put on my work out clothes. I tell myself I'm not changing out of them until I at the very least walk for 20 mins!
ReplyDeleteYou know I feel you on the sleep thing too. I started a goal to be in bed with no computer, book, anything by 11pm. I met that goal maybe half the week...but the days I did I felt much better.
It made me sad to read that you don't feel like you love yourself unconditionally :(. I can't say I felt exactly that way, but probably about 6 or 7 years ago I realized I just wasn't happy with myself or the choices i was making. For me it was as simple as reading in the scriptures about women and how the Lord views/values us. You are a daughter of God! Let that thought flow through you whenever you feel down. Being a daughter of God, a mother...these things make you beautiful, amazing, strong and irreplaceable!
Big hugs! Love ya!
Btw...I've SO slacked on my blog and reading my friends blogs but i'm getting back to it as well, i've missed it!
I decided to come on over too. I can relate to so many things in this post. It's hard when we want a change and then have to wait (aka: be patient) for it. One thing that has helped me in the past, is actually making a small goal. I will fix dinner 3 times this week. Look at recipes online, go through your cookbook and then purchase the items. It will help you be organized, save you time and some money if you know what to buy at the store. And possibly help you be excited about cooking. When I set a personal goal and then I see it plastered on my fridge, and mark it off on a calendar, I feel sucessful. I love your idea of marking down the 14 days before you eat out. That's great, and I really think that after you get a routine, you will get in a habit of fixing dinner. Even if some nights it's just mac n' cheese or a can a soup. At least you thought of it. The exercise thing will take time. Once again every time you exercise mark it on your calendar. Before long you will look back and realize how many days you DID exercise and not think of the days that you didn't! I don't know if this helps, but I just want you to know that you aren't alone in wanting change! You can do it and I believe that a little prayer for some help, will even make it easier! Love ya girl!
ReplyDeleteHaha, this is Gourley by the way! :) That's what my YW call me!
I linked over here from facebook. Way to put it all out there. That is brave! See, you are brave. Add that to your list of things that you like about yourself. I think you are totally friendly and outgoing and you always have a smile.
ReplyDeleteI know from personal experience it can be very easy to get discouraged when comparing yourself to others - what they look like, what kind of house they have, vacations etc.... I have to make a concious effort not to do that and realize that I do not know what situation in life those people might be in. Also, being at home a lot with small children can get overwhelming and the days I feel the worst are the days I don't keep the daily structure. I have found that structure is key for my sanity and well being. After getting Kendle off to school I try to do a quick clean up in the kitchen and the rest of the house and that helps to feel like things are under control a bit. (I try to clean things up a bit before bed and that helps even more.) You can make your own schedule, for example say that after lunch every day you are going to take Tayvin for a walk. It starts to feel routine and the day flows better. I second what Kristen said too about meal planning. It saves a lot of money and I make better food choices when I am prepared and not scrambling at the last minute. You can make it an FHE to sit down with everyone and have them help with meal ideas so there is a little something for everyone. This has helping my family a lot and we have picky eaters.
Bottom line is we all have our struggles! As my mom used to tell me, "it builds character" to which I would always reply - "but I have enough character!" Someone said "When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hold on." Every day we have to just keep plugging along and things have a way of getting better. I find a positive attitude can go along way. Try not to dwell on things you can't change and work on the ones you can. Check out the quote that is on my facebook page. It has become my mantra and maybe it will help you too.
Jess, you know I have no shame when it comes to sharing! lol I did think about it briefly before posting, but I thought that if I was getting discouraged by all the always great blogs out there, then it's gotta be possible there was a mom or two feeling like me. So, I decided to go for it. I want to thank you all for the tips!! I already went for a walk today, and we sat down for dinner and came up with this weeks meals together. Good stuff! I've been anti schedules and such for some reason, but it's time at least have some brief guidlines to my days. :D Thanks again girls!!
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