Nut House

Welcome...

I am all over the place lately.

I need to have some time...

not just the few hours after the kids are in bed time...

not getting to go to the store alone time...

TIME.

Friend time.

Seriously though, I don't know what my deal is. I'm pretty sure hormones must be in affect, but really this is jsut getting ridiculous.

Irritable one day. Depressed one week. Happy for a few weeks. The world is ending and I'm in a panic one minute. Moment of clarity the next minute.

Paranoia that:

#1 I've no clue how to make friends and

b) everyone is doing stuff without me and

#2 I'm too crazy to deserve friends

b) everyone is alread happily doing stuff without me

#3 I'm having an identity crisis at age 34

b) everyone could care less as they are happily doing stuff without me

Clarity:

#1 What the heck am I tripping on? I haven't put out an effort. I haven't been calling any one, inviting any one, etc.

b) A few people DID reach out last summer and I flaked, so I need to get over it and do my part.

#2 Yeah, I'm crazy...crazy FUN

b) I'm hoping if there are some potential friends out there they will be open letting me happily do stuff with them, if not they suck.

#3 I'm actually pretty cool. I have my issues, but I need to quit pretending like I'm all alone in that and everyone else spends there days skipping around town being 100% superwoman/moms/wives/friends. I've worked really hard to find myself and improve the past decade or so and from that I'm a better person. I have more to work on, but nothing makes me less than anyone else. It is actually a plus that I'm so willing and ready to work on those things I'm aware of! I've been through some things, I know some things, and I have some things to offer that are pretty darn great. And yes, at times I get down and I isolate... ie., don't answer my phone, etc., but I come out eventually and I'm working on making those time shorter and less frequent.

b) I guess a little paranoia never hurt anyone.

And yes, when I talk to myself, I have been known to answer back.

Deal with it.